I was at Safeway today in a favorite cashier's line. While I was being rung up, some guy leaned forward and said, "Where's this for?", while holding up a Kohl's gift card. The cashier said, "Kohl's". The genius then said, and I kid you not, "The store?". My cashier just nodded.I was standing there doing deep breathing while trying very hard not to turn to him and say, "No not the store, it's for a new computer brand". Luckily my "good" side won that wrestling match, I got my receipt and left. My "good" side loses often enough, sometimes with funny results. We were at the Monterey Bay Aquarium a while back, at the jelly fish exhibit. There was a cylinder tank of them and this teen aged boy walked up and said, "What are THOSE?". Without thinking I replied, "Dogs, they're dogs", it was just another "Duh" moment that I seem to attract like a candle does a moth.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
1)Getting a cd off of the younger child's finger after he realized it was stuck and started to panic. A little liquid soap, and it slipped right off. Luckily it was a blank cd in a science kit, so it wasn't a big deal.
2)Untying a thin ribbon from the wheel of a toy police car for the same child.
3)Asking younger child if he'd like to bake a cake. I said we'd have to go to the store and get some beans first, and he looked at me and said, "We're not making a bean cake? Cause that would be gross." I laughed and reassured him the beans were for a dinner, not a cake. (We ain't making no bean pie, either!!)
4) A pez dispenser being used for an elevator. On a chair. Complete with the never-ending sound effects.
5)An older woman telling Gordon Ramsey to "F*ck off" on the tv, when he said he couldn't believe she said that , she calmly replied, "That's how you talk to your people isn't it?". I loved it.
6) On COPS tonight, in Rialto,CA, there was a group of officers called the "SCAT" Team. Really??!!! They have a special team to deal with shit? Wow.
7) Smith asked me that if I really liked Greek cheese, does that make me a "feta-phile"? I got a good laugh out of that one.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 11:18 AM
Thursday, April 24, 2008
This is great. I love when people stand up to idiots. I hope the guy had LOTS of thick arm hair to get ripped off by the duct tape. But that's just my own bloodthirsty nature.
Drunk passenger duct-taped on flight
Man subdued by fellow fliers after attacking crew member, arrested
LOS ANGELES - A group of passengers duct-taped a man to his seat after he attacked a United Airlines flight attendant during a trip from Hong Kong to Los Angeles, authorities said.
The Orange County man, apparently drunk, was wrestled to his seat by passengers after he attacked an attendant on United Airlines Flight 862. He was arrested when the plane landed in Los Angeles around 10 a.m. Wednesday.
His name was not immediately released and it was not immediately clear what triggered the attack, authorities said.
Now, time to do some digging and find out who that doofus was. :-)
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 5:47 PM
Saturday, April 19, 2008
You Were a Giraffe
You are a high achiever - able to reach things others can't.
A great communicator, you are good at getting past superficialities.
I find this to be amusing. You see, the first "real" word I spoke was giraffe. Granted, I thought the were very small and lived under bushes because that is how I saw them in books, but after "mama" and "dada", that's what I said. According to my parents, when they took me to a zoo to show me a real giraffe I didn't believe that's what it was.
To this day, giraffes are still my favorite animal. I love them and get a kick that my kids do also. last summer, at swimming lessons, my younger one had to name his favorite animal. He said, "Giraffe". Of course he's been indoctrinated since birth...he's got a little "Raffe" that he's tucked in with every night.
This is one of my all time favorite pictures:
(I wish I had a better copy to show. Most of all I wish I had a copy of this print.)
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 9:23 PM
Saturday, April 12, 2008
This morning I'm rested after returning from my house sitting. I'm also very angry.
Cesar Laurean , who is suspected of killing a pregnant Maria Lauterbach, was arrested in western Mexico on Friday.
He raped Maria Lauterbach prior to this incident,she was 20, eight months pregnant, after forcing her to take money out of her bank.Then he lied and said she commited suicide by cutting her own throat. Nice story, except evidence indicates Lauterbach died of blunt force trauma to the head.
Good. I hope they deal with this piece of filth. Oh, but hold on. You see in order to get him back from Mexico, the district attorney for Onslow county agreed to not try to execute him. You see, Mexico won't send anyone back to the U.S. if the don't get assurance the person won't face the death penalty. Why are we letting another government tell ours how to deal with this? Especially one as corrupt as Mexico?
I hope this goes to trial. And I hope that the jury asks the judge if they can consider a death sentence, the judge says yes, and the scum is taken out of the gene pool.
Yes, these are harsh words. But what Cesar Laurean did was harsh also.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 8:02 AM
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I'm house sitting for my parents for the next two days. I spent a lot of time yesterday getting the kids stuff together, including their laundry. It all got piled up in the kitchen because if I put it in my car in the morning, by the time it was time to go it would have smelled like a public urinal. (I've been in plenty of Men's bathrooms during concerts, baseball games, rodeos, and at amusement parks - and, YES, the only thing I did was hover over the seat in the stall while it was guarded by the person who went with me). Anyway, we got over here and got settled in.
For the kids, that means going in the back yard, peeling their shirts off, and starting to dig or pull out the big Tonka trucks to play with. Then they have an argument the little one comes in crying, they both put toys away and come inside.
Anyway, my parents have four cats, (I told them they had to stop, or they were going to be known as "the crazy cat people"). Three of them were abandoned cats that decided to come inside, one was adopted from a rescue group. For the most part they are nice cats, with the exception of one who was named after a demonic spirit - she's decided to act like her name.
I'm not sure if the cats wanted me to know they were here so I should feel safe, or if they were expressing their displeasure at my parents being gone and the kids and I were here; but at least one of them walked all over me all night long!
So there I was, a garden path for the cats, being woken up all night. (Who ever said cats have light feet never met these cats.) At 5:10 AM, one of them started rattling the blinds. GRRRRRRR!!!! I had the alarm set for earlier than I cared to get up already. I sure didn't need help.
I hate having to turn the coffee pot on when it has a timer. It's just not right. *Sob, sniffle*
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 6:13 AM
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I am so lucky to have my life's path cross the path of the wonderful man I am married to. We often say the same thing , with the very same inflection. We are able to come up with the exact word the other one needs or say the next word in the sentence being spoken. We start singing the song we're listening to at the same time so much our older child has commented on it.
My husband was away last week and will be away this week, also. When he came home this weekend, I was overjoyed to hear his key in the lock. I was surprised by how strong my feelings of happiness, relief, excitement, and delight were. I just held him and took in the scent of his skin, my eyes tearing as I realized how much I missed my partner.
Even though we talked to each other daily and were able to send text messages, and see each other thanks to the cheap web cams we'd gotten last year, I missed him so much my chest ached if I thought about it too long. For the most part the boys kept me busy during the day so that wasn't too bad. But there were times that were, and I felt so heartbreakingly lonely and lost.
A few times when he called and caller ID showed it was him, my breath caught and my heart raced. I felt like a teenager in the throes of that first all-consuming passionate love; the one that makes you feel as if the world will end if he doesn't call. I answered the phone and I'm sure I sounded like an idiot, because I felt so irrationally shy and tongue-tied it was a miracle I could say anything at all. When we ended some of our conversations, I wanted to weep because even though the kids were at home with me, I was going be without my other half and felt achingly
I have never been in a relationship like this one. We've been together for ten years and it seem like less time than that has passed, but also like we've known each other forever. I trust this man implicitly and have from the beginning. THAT speaks volumes to anyone who knew what I had been through in the relationship prior to this one.
Many years ago I sent a series of postcards to my husband with beautiful pictures of people in love and wrote quotes I thought that told him how I felt about him. I'd quote bits of poetry or song lyrics. He still has them, just like I have cards he's given me. Everything I wrote still rings true. And here's another one this, time from Bob Dylan's "Boots Of Spanish Leather":
Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night
And the diamonds from the deepest ocean,
I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss,
For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
I call him my knight in shiny armor and when I stop to examine my emotions, I am astounded at the depth of what I feel. I hope everyone in the world has a chance to feel as mushy about another person as I do.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 9:26 PM