Ass-fault: The butt crack that is visible when pants are too short
Crotchfruit: Horrible child(ren)
Loindropping(s): See above
I know I've used the last two before, but they're so descriptive. If you have any favorites, let me know.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Ass-fault: The butt crack that is visible when pants are too short
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 9:11 PM
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Whenever Snake and Moose are driving me crazy or teasing each other, I check out an episode of "Nanny911". A few minutes of watching the screaming, bad-mannered, ill-tempered, rotten crotchfruit on that show, and the ineptitude of some of the parents who can't figure out basic parenting skills, I feel much better about the way our kids act and our parenting skills.
Some of those kids can't sit down at the table at home, and taking them to even a fast-food place is a nightmare. Snake was four days old when he was plunked down on a restaurant table for the first time in his carrier. Moose was three days old when he went to the park the first time because Snake needed to run around after being inside for several days.
Believe it or not, we had waiters arguing over what section we were going to sit in when Snake was a toddler, and also later when he was older and Moose was in a high chair. Why? Because when one of them would get restless, we'd take him outside to run around a while. We also understood that kids make messes, and when there was food scattered all over the floor or a drink had been spilled, we left an extra large tip. There were even times when I found out who was busing our section and apologized for the mess and gave him a few dollars.
Our kids aren't perfect, far from it. Snake is going through the mouthy stage, and he and Moose have a tendency to not hear us if they are engrossed in something and don't want to stop.
And at times they go at each other so badly I want to shove them up their own bums until they disappear in a pouf of greasy smoke. Yes, Snake did accidentally stab Moose with a bamboo spear. But they've never dropped a laundry basket from the second floor onto the head of the other, either.
Sometimes I get frustrated and want to leave them on the side of the road. But we really don't have it that bad. I love my guys.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 4:06 PM
Friday, October 17, 2008
A while ago, my Mom had a medical emergency and needed me to get her to the hospital and stay with her for almost 12 hours while she was treated. And I spent the night with her, since she was house sitting and away from Dad. (She's alright now.) But getting it all set up so I could be there for her was a little crazy.
I was able to stay with Mom for a few reasons: I have a great kid in Snake, who was able to hang out by himself until Smith got home. A wonderful friend with a daycare who was willing to get Moose. Her son is friends with him and Moose knows a lot of the other kids there, too. But most of all, because of Smith.
He picked up Moose, and figured out dinner and got them set up with clothes out for the next morning. He got the guys off to school and worked out how Snake was going to deal with going away for the weekend. He did all the "Smith" stuff, the "Mrs. Smith" stuff, and he did it well.
Most of all, he moved his schedule around so he could go in a little later in the day and get the guys to school. His boss was ok about it once it was explained to him. Of course it helps that Smith is great at what he does, and is willing to go the extra mile, so they will let him shuffle times around when an emergency comes up.
Smith, I love you for understanding how important my parents are to me. I love that you don't feel put out when I need to help them with something. I love how you step up and take over at home without complaining - I've got jealous friends behind that. I love how you know that I can help out my parents as much as I do, and still be able to give you and the boys the love and care you and our home needs. I love how you can support me because you know you can rely on my support.
I love you more and more as time goes by. Thank you for your love and our life together. You are my:
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 9:53 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I love my local morning news team. This morning they ran a story about Darth Vadar - oops, Dick Cheney, having an irregular heartbeat. It was explained how he went into the hospital and it was taken care of. Then came the zinger: "Coming up, Dick Cheney has a heart." !
Then "Joe Plumber" was brought up... The female anchor said,"They spoke a lot about Joe Plumber last night." The male anchor said, "We'll find out more about him, and where he wears his pants." (Plumber-butt, get it?) All the female anchor could do was press her lips together and close her eyes. You could tell she was trying hard not to laugh. Since I was sitting at home, I did laugh.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 7:02 AM
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The service was beautiful. Susan Moody spoke, and I was amazed by how strong she is. She made sure Brad Moody lives on, his heart is beating in another person: one last chance for him to take care of another person.
I am glad Richmond PD is giving Rico to Susan and her girls. When she rubbed his head before leaving the stage he went into "Happy Mode", did a full body wag, and took a step after her before the handler he was with tugged his leash.
I really hate how he died, and agree with what Smith posted on the subject: Another Very Bad Day .
It's been a very long day, and a big thank you to Snake and Moose for being great guys tonight.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 7:55 PM
Monday, October 13, 2008
I found this blog: married2thelaw . She's just started, and I hope other folks who stop by here go there and say hi.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 9:13 PM
Let me preface this post with this: I am not trying to slam Christians, I'm just questioning.
When did it become "Christian" to molest children, and hide the people who did it. Or to systematically marry off FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRLS TO GROWN MEN OLD ENOUGH TO BE THEIR FATHERS?
When did it become "Christian" to steal from "a woman, she's in her 60's, in Texas,watching now, you have back pain...send $20 and put your hands on the tv screen, you will be alright"?
When did hate become a "Cristian" value. Spewing vitriol towards people unfortunate enough to contract a disease that will eventually kill them, that's alright? Yelling out and holding signs that say, "God hates Fags", a righteous thing to do?
Protecting a fetus and forcing a woman to face what could be the most violent experience of her life every day is alright? What happens after the child is born? If it wasn't wanted in the first place, and the woman was forced to leave school to be an incubator, do you think the child will be loved? What do you think the chances are that child winds up abused in one form or another? And please, DON'T bring up that tired story about people wanting to adopt a baby. That baby has to be pretty damn lucky to be adopted if it isn't what is in demand. The kid will more than likely be "raised" in foster care and be completely fucked up when kicked out of the system at 18.
Listening to certain political candidates, you would think hate is high on the list. Whipping people into a frenzy and smiling when someone yells, "Kill him!", is the right thing to do? Praying for money is ok? Driving out "witches" and "demons",(people who don't agree with you or you don't like), is "Christian"?
So tell me, please, when did the basic message of being kind to other people, and helping those who had less turn into "I'm going to lie my way out of embarrassing situations, steal from old folks, turn away from those who need help the most, forget about compassion, and you have to be a walking incubator because someone somewhere might want that unwanted parasite growing in you"?
As I said before, I'm not slamming anyone, but if this is the basis of religion today, it's no wonder the world is going to hell in a handbaket.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 8:37 AM
Thursday, October 9, 2008
My Grandmother had breast cancer . She survived and lived several more years.
My Mom had a premenopausal soft mass discovered when she was in her 40's. She is now an 18 year survivor. She is my hero for all she went through, and copes with every day.
My Mother-in-law had a lump removed last year in January,(2007). My Christmas 2006 gift to her was to take her to and from surgery, be there when she needed help, and fix a huge pot of chicken noodle soup for her.
I had my first mammogram when I was 30. I was called in for a sonogram because they weren't sure about what they saw on the mammogram. The sonogram tech called in a doctor because she wasn't sure about what she saw. (During all this my 2 1/2 year old son played with cars on the floor of the exam room.)
The doctor walked me though the inner hallways of the hospital to get another mammogram, right then and there. He stuck around and read the x-rays as soon as they came out. Luckily for me, it was just dense tissue.I was still alright 5 years later when I went back for my second mammogram. When I turn 40, I get to have the girls smushed every year to be safe.
Please take care of yourself. This goes for the guys out there, as well. You may not know it, but men can get breast cancer, too. It is not as common, but it happens to you tough guys as well.
There is a wonderful site: thebreastcancersite.com, to help women who can't afford mammograms. You can click their button once a day, and at the end of the day the clicks are tallied up and the corporate sponsors of the site pay for mammograms.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 8:43 PM
Monday, October 6, 2008
Well, I sure feel special today. I got my first spam! And of all things, it was for Bollywood widgets. I'm not quite sure why I got that one, hopefully there won't be many more.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 9:06 AM
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Officer Brad Moody and Rico were in an accident earlier today. Officer Moody didn't make it, no word on Rico yet.
Rico came through alright.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 10:58 AM
Justice is served.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 10:02 AM
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The other night we were enjoying the cool air coming in through the sliding door, when the fragrance of pot smoke came wafting into our place from our neighbors downstairs.
I went to the door and took a deep breath.
Then proceeded to bellow, "I just LOVE getting a contact high from my neighbors' dope smoke!!!!". Then I slammed the sliding door shut, stomped across the floor to the bathroom and slammed that door, too.
According to Smith, Moose sat there speechless and Snake said,"That's it, Mom's lost her mind."
All I know is that I haven't smelled anymore smoke yet.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 10:28 PM
"Rolls Royce, give me no choice" from Come Out And Play by The Offspring. (This one was from Snake. I've listened, and I don't hear it, but it was funny whwn he told me.)
"I've heard it all before, sell doughnuts at my door" from When I Come Around by Green Day.
"Special K-Y dispenser, listen carefully" from the Erasure cover of Take A Chance On Me by ABBA.
"Beat it out, jeeper jeeper, just throw it away" from Bleed It Out by Linkin Park. (This one was from Moose. Imagine a five year old belting out that line in the car!)
Sometimes I don't hear things right. At times, what I thought I heard is hilarious, and others leaves me asking, "What the heck was that?". I remember when Snake was in kindergarten and his teacher and I were talking. Snake came up and said something, and what I heard his teacher say was, "I'm going home and starting a family".
I asked her what she said because "I know it's not what I thought I heard". She asked me what I thought I'd heard, and when I told her she laughed so hard she had tears coming out of her eyes. She got it because she does the same thing. By the way, she said something completely different.
Posted by Mrs. "Smith" at 7:33 AM