Friday, July 25, 2008

Change, Loss, And Learning, and Release

Things have changed some around the Smith home. I'm working again. I was taking the summer off from my job at the Day Care, but I got a call asking me to come back. It turns out the woman my friend got to cover me during the summer wasn't working out and the older kids, as well as one of her own kids, asked if she would call me and ask me to come back in. The preschoolers were asking where I was, too.

When I showed up last week, I was mobbed and given the biggest group hug I've ever been given. It was a lovely feeling. The older kids did the whole fist pump in the air thing, that was just as cool.

My guys are adjusting to the change. They know the reason behind it. And they know that come the start of the new school year, I'm going to be looking for a different job. We have plans to improve our lives, and my guys are adaptable and resilient and supportive. I am very proud of how they can roll with the changes that are presented to them, and turn to us for help when things seem too much for them. Amazing family makes a difference, as well. My parents are rocks in my children's lives. And my MIL is great, too

Loss. If you've been reading for a while, you know we lost Smith's Gramma. She was a lovely woman who accepted me and Snake with open arms. I loved my Grandmothers, and wrestled with feelings of them thinking I was betraying their memories by accepting Gramma the way I did. My Mom said, "No", they would understand. I hope so, because I loved them dearly.

My Sister-In-Law lost her Grandfather recently. I am sad for her loss, but lad she had the chance to have him in her life for so long. I hope she's gone for the funeral when this posts. I love my SIL, and want her to be happy. She and my Brother are a great pair. They are a wonderful couple who grow closer every year, and I hope they will always stay that way.

She and my Brother have come through big-time lately, they know what I'm talking about. My kids think their uncle is a cool guy, and Snake says, "He's got damn good cooking skills". (Comment sanctioned). Moose loved the mohawk my Brother gave him. Smith thinks he's a neat guy, too. And, just for the record, for all the fighting we did I love you dearly and wish things could have been different. For all three of us, yes, I have a sister, too.

The learning of just who can be depended on. It's something that I figured out long ago, and is reinforced every time something comes up when family needs to pull together. There seems to be one in every family, whether the family is 4 people or forty. There is usually a person who holds a grudge just because they were born.

That person is never able to let go of the human foibles of the other people in the family. That person refuses to let go of things that happened to them when they were 2 years old. Yes, bad things happened to you, but you weren't the only one. Do you know what people were willing to do to get revenge for you. When you were in jeopardy of losing everything, who did you turn to for help? And then who had to listen to "I just want to have fun", while taking care of another person while YOU ran around trying to ease your sorrow by by destroying a friend's life and a relationship that he'd vested much time in. Then when he decided to break that relationship, you dropped him for someone else. "Fun".Wish I could have floated around on a lake. "I just want to have fun"- read "I want to run around and pretend no one else exists, especially if that person is injured and needs help eating, bathing, and getting dressed. I'm going to be selfish and self-absorbed" "Fun" wasn't for the rest of us, you know, those of us who don't have mansions in La-La Land. That word nauseates me to this day.

It is time to let go of all the slights, real or imagined, and join reality.

This post may not be kind. Neither is life. And to quote something you said to someone else on a day they were having something life-changing done: "Have a nice day".


Evil Lunch Lady said...

Well written, I hope this post has given you peace:)

USAincognito said...

Sometimes it helps to get things out. :)
Sounds like your daycare children really loved you and missed you! Awww....
And I know your boys will adjust quite well to any upcoming changes. You are a great mom and you have a wonderful family that loves you and supports you. :)

MJ said...

I agree. Very well written. Hope it's helped you.